I can’t do this anymore.
The blackmail, the threats.
The unachievable goals, the constant put downs.
All fueled by your own problems, your own anger, your relationships and your illness.
21 years of trying to be the tough one.
Trying to hold it together for the sake of ‘family’. What is family?
I didn’t choose my parents and I didn’t choose to be a pawn in the games they play.
How can I be critised for loving each parent. How can I be threatened for spending ‘too much time’. How does that translate into a strike of anger, one that comes with horrible words and threats to just go there and live a happy life.
What part of having children don’t you get. You shouldn’t play children off with your ex-partners. The children didn’t choose for you to end. They didn’t choose any of it. There was no choice. Just a situation with seemingly no right or wrong. As we turn in to adults these games of manipulation & insecurity stop to work. So the anger fuels.
It’s time for me to begin to move on. To cut ties. To be the person I want to be, not the person i’ve had to be. To start chasing my goals and building a life for myself instead of living my life in a way that keeps your life intact.
I’ve grown up so vulnerable without even realising. I’ve held back from opportunities because there was no support telling me to chase them.
Your life isn’t the life I want to keep living. My strength has weakened and I can’t take it anymore.